November 14, 2009 | Posted by Ms. E
In California, if parents divorce, separate, or have custody issues, they are required to have a parenting plan. The parenting plan is the same thing as a custody agreement and it contains all of the information about how the parents will continue to handle their parenting responsibilities. Here is some information to help California parents develop their parenting plans.
To begin with, the plan must contain information about legal and physical custody. Legal custody refers to the parents’ obligation to make important decisions for and about their children. This includes decisions about education, medical care, religion, extra-curricular activities, driving privileges, etc. One parent can obtain legal custody (sole legal custody) or the parents can share the decision making responsibility (joint legal custody). Physical custody refers to the parenting time that the mother and father have with the children. One parent may have sole physical custody, which means the child lives primarily with that parent and visits the other parent, or parents may share joint physical custody, where the children spend significant time with both the mother and father.
Parents can use parenting provisions to explain the terms of legal custody in their agreement. They can designate whether there is sole or joint legal custody. They should also include provisions that give more detail. This can include stipulations about what decisions that parents must make together, if there is any decision a parent can make alone, how the parents will handle disagreements about decisions, etc. For physical custody, the mother and father should include a thorough child custody schedule that outlines all of the time the children spend with both parents. The custody schedule should include a residential schedule (or repeating cycle of custody), a holiday schedule, vacation information, and special events.
In California, if parents are not able to cooperate and agree on their parenting plan, they must attend at least one session of custody mediation. If mediation is not successful, the parents will go to court and a judge will determine the final plan. Parents who work together generally have better results and are more satisfied with the plan.
To file a plan, the parents should check with the county courthouse. Every county has different procedures for filing the paperwork for a parenting plan. A parent can use the forms available to submit a plan, or parents can create a plan and attach it to the forms. Once the plan is signed by both parents and a judge it becomes a legal document.
Categories: Parenting Plans | 
Tags: child custody, contested divorce | 
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September 14, 2009 | Posted by Ms. E
What is interference with visitations?
After a high conflict custody battle, visitation disputes can linger on for years or even decades. Interference with visitation can take many forms. A parent can attempt to prevent visits. Interference can also take the form of one parent, usually the custodial parent, preventing any form of communication between the child and the non-custodial parent. Letters, phone calls and gifts can be kept from the child. Parents can also make share time difficult for the other parent by scheduling activities or appointments during scheduled visits.
What can be done if my ex-spouse interferes with my parental rights?
The courts have many remedies if your parenting rights have been violated by your ex-spouse. They include make-up visits for those visitations that were missed, and for the parent who violated the court-ordered visitation schedule: fines and even jail time. In extreme cases, the child custody court may even change custody of the children to you.
The best strategy to avoid repeated interference with your specified share time is to require that all pick ups and drop offs of your children occur at the local police station. Chances are that the party who is denying you your time with your child will be less likely to act uncivilized if they have to conduct it at the police station. Additionally, if a parent fails to show up, then a police incident report can be prepared to document any violations of the court order. If you ever seek to extend your parental rights, a police report will have more weight than you simply telling the judge that you ex never showed up to visit your child.
I never get to have visitations with my child. Do I still have to pay child support?
The answer to this question is a definite “Yes”. Visitation and child support are two separate and distinct issues. Child custody courts frown upon parents who use either visitation or child support as leverage for the other. You must remember that the custodial parent has a moral and legal obligation to allow the non-custodial parent his or her court ordered visitations. As such, the non-custodial parent has a moral and legal obligation to pay child support. If your visitation and parental rights are being violated, then you must file a motion in family court, petitioning for enforcement. Never, never stop either visitation or child support, go through the proper channels.
A non-custodial parent can petition the courts to have his or her child support payments placed in an escrow account, until any visitation or custody disputes are resolved. This method places financial pressure on the custodial parent who is interfering with visitation. They will not receive any financial support until they agree to let you have your visitations that you are entitled to.
What are some practical tips to enforce my visitation rights?
The most practical and important thing you can do to enforce your rights is to have a calendar and custody journal. When you are trying to pick up your child, have witnesses. If no one answers the door when you are scheduled to visit your child, drive to the nearest convenience station and make a small purchase, and keep the receipts. This will show that you were in the vicinity at the prescribed time. Have police on standby and request an incident report from them later if need be. Always make sure that all parties are clear on the date and time of the pick up time. Keep everything in writing and document all applicable information. Keep track of all written correspondences with the other parent. If after doing all this your ex still continues to interfere with you visitations, file a contempt motion against him or her.
Categories: Child Custody and Visitation | Tags: child custody, child support, divorce, visitations | Comments Off
September 12, 2009 | Posted by Ms. E
I
t would be ideal if divorcing spouses could agree on how to handle their divorce matters without outside intervention. But this is not generally the case, especially in highly contested divorce cases where the spouses’ rivalry gets in between their ability to communicate in a civilized manner.
This is the reason why in so many divorce cases the best way to solve many issues is by means of mediation. Mediation can be court ordered, in cases when the spouses can’t relate, or it can be voluntary, when both parties consent to it. Mediation has proven to be a very successful tool in highly contested divorces.
The purpose of mediation is to help spouses reach a compromise. Bottom line, mediation is a fancy term for a meeting in which the main objective is to “find a happy medium”.
Divorce mediation can consist of just one meeting or a series of them. These meetings take place before a professional negotiator trained in family law. Both parties’ attendance is required and so are their attorney’s.
If the mediation is court ordered the court will either assign a mediator or request the spouses to agree on one. In a voluntary mediation the spouses’ attorneys negotiate who is going to act as mediator. Mediation conferences are generally held either at one of the attorney’s offices, at the office of another attorney, at the mediator’s office and sometimes at the courthouse where the divorce case is pending.
In a court-ordered mediation the parties are subject to the penalties of court contempt if they refuse to participate. In that case they would be subject to a fine, or even incarceration.
Should you and your spouse not be able to reach an agreement on how your divorce will be handled, the court will take over that responsibility and make the decision for you. Mediation is a great tool to avoid a lengthy and expensive divorce. Make the best use of it.
Categories: Divorce Mediation | Tags: contested divorce, divorce, Divorce Mediation, mediation | Comments Off
September 9, 2009 | Posted by Ms. E
Are you tired of your ex-spouse not complying with his or her part of the custody and visitation agreement? He or she is keeping your child away from you or interfering with your visitation rights? Using a custody calendar software to journal your visitations can help you manage your custody disputes and maximize the time you spend with your children.
Maintaining a meticulous custody journal during your custody battle will help you maintain control during this difficult time. With custody calendar software or a custody journal, you can organize facts and dates, such as the times in which your ex-spouse denies you your visitation rights. Documenting as much as you can can prove to the judge how your ex-spouse has violated a court order, your custody and visitation orders. Presenting credible proof that your ex-spouse has regularly violated your parental rights will help your custody case. This can lead to a change in child support, and it could even lead to you having physical custody of your child.
Let me take this chance to dispel a myth about custody calendars. Just because you write make an entry in your custody journal does not mean that the courts will automatically take it as fact. You could have written a year’s worth of entries in one night. However, if you can prove WHEN you made the entries, and that you did not change the entries after they were recorded, you have a much better chance of a judge believing you. A good way to do this is to periodically e-mail your custody journal entries to a third party that the family court will trust.
Here are some tips on getting the most out of your custody journal:
Journal often.
Try to write something down in your journal each day, even if it’s just a few sentences. You can write about the mood of your kids, or just your own personal thoughts.
Categorize each journal entry.
When custody calendars allow you to create categories for your journal entries, it’s a great tool. This is a helpful tool if later you are searching for some pertinent information. For example, if your ex-spouse has denied you your share time with your kids, search for your entries under the category “Denied Visit”. It is easy to bring up, and it is an easy way to prove that your parental rights have been violated. No spiral notebook can do this.
Just state the facts.
Please remember that judges sometimes see the worse in parents in custody court. Appearing bitter and spiteful will not help your custody case in any way. If a judge is reading your journal entries and and you were not careful about your wording, you can forget about it. In your journal entries, present the facts without too much emotion. Stay calm and positive as much as possible. Writing like this will also serve another purpose: it will put you in a better state of mind. These custody disputes can be stressful, and you need to be in a different frame of mind for the process to work.
Journal the good stuff, too.
Along with the same lines as my previous tip, journal the good stuff too. If your ex-spouse does something nice, document it. If you are mad at him or her, this will help you a little bit. More importantly, if the judge reads these positive entries in your custody journal, it will reinforce to the judge that you are not simply out for revenge. On a more personal note, your ex is the other parent of your child. It’s important for your child to benefit from a healthy relationship with both parents. You need to be able to relate on some level with your former spouse for years to come.
Talk to your lawyer about your custody journal.
Keep your attorney involved as you use your custody calendar software. Talk to him or her about you e-mailing your entries periodically. Chances are that your attorney is already or will soon use such software as a tool for other clients as well. Remember that attorneys charge hourly rates, like $75 to $300 to talk to you, so e-mail is preferable. Keeping a detailed and meticulous custody journal can tip the scales when it comes to keeping or winning custody of your kids. Keep all of these recommendations in mind as you write and you’ll be able to get the most of your custody software.
Categories: Child Custody and Visitation | Tags: | Comments Off
September 8, 2009 | Posted by Ms. E
One of the best ways to win a custody dispute is to emphasize all of your good traits as a parent. At the same time, it is equally important to downplay any attempt to make your soon-to-be-ex appear to be an unfit parent. This is not to say that you should not point out instances of abuse or neglect, but certainly do not appear to be focusing on bad-mouthing your ex. Judges and attorneys have seen this too often, that we have become very suspicious of alienating strategies. True or not, we often assume that the parent making these allegations is the less fit parent. If you are interested in winning any custody dispute, you must always remain mature and even-tempered, especially when you are appearing before a judge in court.
Although the legal system has become more cynical of parents using alienation and malicious strategies against their former partners, it seems to be encouraging it at the same time. When making determinations related to child custody, often the judge will have to decide which parent will more frequently act in the child’s best interest. Making this determination still rests on the fault model.
Although many states today have no-fault versions of divorce, fault reasoning still plays a major role in making custody determinations. Traditionally, the parent who was most “faultless” within the marriage and divorce was awarded custody of the children. Typically, the parent who was found at “fault” was the parent who either committed adultery, abused drugs or alcohol, was a physical abuser, or was guilty of child abuse or neglect.
So the dilemma is this: while the courts frown upon making malicious accusations, it actually encourages it at the same time. So, as long as custody determinations will continue to be based on the fault model, my recommendation to you is to handle the negatives on part of the other parent in a non-confrontational manner. You should present yourself as the parent who is better able to provide for your child’s best interests, not as the parent who is spiteful and still bitter. Be doing so, you will appear to be the parent with superior parenting skills. If you follow my recommendation, you will be more likely to win a favorable custody arrangement.
Categories: Custody Court | Tags: child custody, child visitation, Custody Court, divorce | Comments Off
September 7, 2009 | Posted by Ms. E
The court plays a significant role in determining what is in the “best interests” of your child. In order to determine which parent can more frequently provide for the child’s best interests, the court will consider how each parent can meet the child’s physical, educational, educational, spiritual, emotional, and financial needs. Before a custody decision is reached, the court will conduct a home study of each parents’ homes, and interviews may also be conducted of your child’s schools, health care providers, teachers, and any other institutions applicable.
Although family courts strive to meet the best interests of your child, there is no one more knowledgeable on this subject than you and your soon-to-be-ex. Therefore, you and he or she should try to settle any child custody issues outside of court. I say this because if you and your ex cannot arrive at an amicable custody arrangement on your own, one will be decided for you by a judge. A custody arrangement arrived by two agreeing parents is more desirable than one which is disputed and then determined by a judge. Although dealing with your former spouse can be stressful, it is in the best interest of your child to already have a tentative visitation agreement before you go to your child custody hearing. Your relationship with your child will benefit as a result. Do not let someone with little knowledge of you and your child make such a significant decision for you.
As you prepare for the child custody hearing or trial, you should bring certain documents and information regarding your child. These documents are extremely important, as they will help determine the best interests of your child. The documents I’m referring to are those that describe events that affect your child, such as: visiting with the other parent, grandparents, doctor’s appointments, school activities, family and religious activities, etc. You should present evidence that supports your position, such as notes on:
Parent’s Home – This factor determines whether you can provide adequate and safe shelter for your child. Don’t be afraid to mention the size of your home, information about your neighborhood, bathrooms, bedrooms, etc.
Status Quo – This is an important factor in making child custody determinations. If the child’s parents live in different school districts, it is unlikely that the court will order a change in residence during a school year. Family courts prefer that things remain as they are, in the best interest of the child. If you seriously want to change the status quo for a legitimate reason, be prepared to present strong evidence in support of your position.
Child’s Preference – This is only a significant factor if the child is a teenager and is capable of expressing his position logically. Generally, courts do not allow a young child to make this decision for him or herself.
Parent’s Availability – Full time parenting has an advantage over working full time. However, not many capable parents have the luxury of not having to work for a living, and the court will not deter from giving you custody only because you must work in order to support yourself and your child.
These are just a few things to consider as you prepare to go to your custody hearing.
Categories: Custody Court | Tags: child custody, Custody Court | Comments Off
September 6, 2009 | Posted by Ms. E
Has a custody evaluation been ordered in your child custody battle? Depending on the report of the evaluation, it can either be a tremendous help or a fatal blow to your custody case. The evaluator has almost unlimited authority in writing his or her report, which can essentially determine the outcome of your custody dispute. As such, it only makes sense to learn as much as you can about the evaluation. Following are four frequently asked questions regarding custody evaluations.
I believe a custody evaluation would help the judge make a good decision regarding my family. Should I start by hiring a forensic psychologist to do an assessment or should I wait for an evaluator to be appointed by the court?
There are many factors involved in hiring your own expert. The privately obtained expert opinion may be useful in your case, and you can offer the results of the evaluation to the judge. Keep in mind that the other party can do the same. One advantage to this approach is that you can research expert psychologists in your area to be sure of their level of expertise as an expert. This can later prove to be a disadvantage if the other party hires their own expert, and their opinion if different from your expert’s. The judge in this case may order a third assessment from a different evaluator, usually appointed by the court. One advantage to hiring your own evaluator is that if the results of the first evaluation are unfavorable to you, a second one can be sought. Remember that this might be an expensive option. Doctoral level psychologists charge from $150 to $200 an hour. Your custody evaluation, if it is detailed, can cost from $750 to $1500 per person.
On the other side of the question, using a court-appointed expert can be advantageous. When using an evaluator that already has a working relationship with the court, you can expect that the judge will listen receptively to his or her opinion. This is an advantage only if the report is favorable to you. Another factor to consider is that the court-appointed custody evaluator will likely have access to a broad range of information from both parties, so you can expect a more thorough assessment and evaluation.
If my expert evaluator testifies on my behalf and the other parent also presents expert testimony on his or her behalf, how will the judge know who to believe?
It has been my experience that most parents are fit and both have a great deal to offer their children. As I mentioned above, if the testimony of two expert witnesses is contradictory, the judge may then find it necessary to appoint a third expert to evaluate both parties and their children. This is a huge expense of time, money, and energy. This may be a good reason to agree to use a court-appointed custody evaluator from the onset.
My ex-spouse is very good at charming people; will the evaluator be able to see through their presentation?
A thorough custody evaluation will consist of expert clinical interviews with the family, history taking, and personality and parenting assessments. In addition to these methods, an evaluator will most likely review previous treatment records, interview neighbors or others knowledgeable of the situation, and observe each parent’s interaction with the children. By interviewing family members and others related to the situation several times, and attempting to clarify any contradictions of the information given, and exercising good professional judgment, a skilled custody evaluator is generally able to arrive at a clear impression of the true family dynamics, the needs and wants of the children, and of the strengths and weaknesses of each parent. This comprehensive evaluation is substantial enough that the evaluator can make an objective and professional determination of which parent can more frequently meet the best interests of the child.
If I am not awarded custody of my child as a result of the custody evaluation, can I correct my shortcomings and be re-evaluated, to try to win custody?
You should not view custody determinations in terms of who wins custody and who loses custody. Instead, each parent’s role in your child’s life is outlined in the custody decision. It is true, however, that a parent may get to spend more time with the child than the other parent.
It is understandably very stressful to go through a custody dispute with your ex. If your primary concern is preserving your relationship with your child, I suggest that you and your ex create a parenting agreement that is mutually agreeable, and to stick to it. You may even use a custody calendar program to create a parenting schedule that is a true shared parenting schedule. This will allow you to spend less time in court fighting with your ex, and more quality time with your child.
Categories: Custody Evaluations | Tags: child custody, divorce | Comments Off
September 6, 2009 | Posted by Ms. E
Sometimes, during custody disputes, parents involve the opinions of their child, hoping it will sway the decision somehow. Other times, it is the child that seeks to initiate the change. The child may do so due to a conflict with the custodial parent, seeking to be closer to a particular school or friends, or even seeking to live with the more lenient parent.
Generally, matters of residence and custody are better to be decided among adults, not children. Divorce and custody disputes impose enough stress and guilt on children. Children could potentially feel at fault for the pain the non custodial parent might feel, as the result of being separated from the child. Therefore, custody decisions are better left to the adults. If the two parents are unable to reach an amicable custody arrangement, they may turn to a counselor for advice and guidance. If that is unsuccessful, they may turn to a mediator. If that is unsuccessful, they will have to turn to family court, where the determination regarding custody of their children will ultimately be made. It has always been my recommendation that parents make their own custody arrangements, as they are more knowledgeable than anyone else of what is in the best interest of the child. A judge, although he or she has the welfare of your child in mind, is not as qualified as you and your soon-to-be-ex are on what is in the “best interest” of your own child.
Although parents should be heavily cautioned against involving their child in custody decisions, the older the child, the more weight their preference will have. Custody laws differ from state to state, but in most states, courts can consider opinions from children age twelve or older. Be aware however, that age twelve is not a magical number. Not all twelve-year-olds have capacity to think critically and evaluate adequately to make such a crucial decision. The maturity level of the child, the particular family situation, and influences of the parents all come to play here. Of course, the sole opinion of the child is not the determining factor in making custody determinations. The most important factor in making child custody determinations is the ability of the parent to meet the best interests of the child in a suitable and appropriate manner. Considering that this is the foremost determining factor, the decision is best left in the hands of adults, either parents or professionals or judges.
Categories: Child Custody and Visitation | Tags: child custody, divorce | Comments Off
June 14, 2009 | Posted by Ms. E
The visitation schedule is usually incorporated in the child custody and visitation order issued by the court after a divorce. This makes it enforceable by law. Parents must comply with the visitation order from A to Z. This order has bilateral effects, that is, it imposes duties and rights to both parties. Both parents are equally responsible for complying with it. Refusing or interfering with your ex-spouse’s visitation rights may result in the court finding you in contempt of court, with the imposition of fines, court costs and attorney‘s fees. But, what if your child refuses to visit the other parent?
The custodial parent has the obligation of “tendering” the child to the other parent at the place, date and time stated in the order. What are you supposed to do if your child refuses to go with the other parent? The answer is simple: absolutely nothing. You already complied with your duty; you produced the child at the place, date and time ordered. If the child refuses to go with the other parent there is nothing more you can do. More than likely, the other parent will seek a remedy for this situation, in which case you should be prepared to explain the child’s reason for the refusal.
Family courts encourage collaborative parenting after a divorce, and they will enforce their visitation orders to any extent necessary under the law. If the child does not want to relate with one of his or her parents, there must be a reason for it. The court will take any and all steps necessary to find out what that reason is, and work to remedy the situation. Among the things the court can do is to order a psychological or behavioral evaluation of the child in an attempt to understand the situation better. It will be the goal of that evaluation to determine what type of relationship the child has with the non-custodial parent.
This evaluation frequently will be conducted by a social worker, and will include an interview with the child, and a visit to the non-custodial parent’s residence. If it turns out that the only reason for the child’s refusal is that the child does not feel comfortable in company of that parent because of the time lapsed since the last visitation, the court may order “warm-up visitations”. These are shorter but more frequent visitations for a limited period of time, providing time for the parent and child to relate better. Warm-up visitations have proven to be a great tool for the courts to remedy this type of situation.
If it turns out that the reason the child refuses to go with the other parent is because there is a stranger living in that house, or because that parent takes the child to unsuitable places, or uses drugs in the child’s presence, the court may modify the visitation schedule, or stop them completely.
A child custody and visitation case will remain open until the child acquires legal age, which in most states is 18 years. During that time, the court retains the power to regulate, adjust, modify or change the content of the original order, in order to adapt to any new circumstances in the child‘s life. The reason for this is obvious: the needs of a 5 year old are different than that of a teen.
Categories: Child Custody and Visitation | Tags: child custody, child visitation, co-parenting, visitation schedule | Comments Off
June 14, 2009 | Posted by Ms. E
Throughout my blog, I’ve written several articles offering those going through divorce some insight as to what to expect. Divorce and separation is a painful process. I’ve created a reading list that I highly recommend to anyone going through this process. No matter where you are on this journey, I suggest you get as much information as possible on the subject. Read as much as possible. Read first, consult later. Remember that your divorce is not only a difficult process for you, but also for the children involved. My reading list includes several wonderful children’s books to help your child deal with the changes divorce often brings.
Categories: General | Tags: divorce | Comments Off
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